Hurry up....wait.....
I am sitting here at a picnic table in the shade, enjoying a
few days away. At the end of summer, I like to take a week camping by myself to
catch up on some reading and try to sort out some thoughts. It’s been a hectic
summer. I haven’t worked for most of it but it seems to be a summer of hurry up
and wait.
For the weeks that Jocelyn was here including the two that
Omari and Andre joined her, it was a time of tests, appointments and a little
time for fun. One of the highlights must be Clovermead Bees – what a great
place to take kids. It was a little hot (ok, so a lot hot and humid) that day
but the splash pad took care of that.
They left at the beginning of August and although we keep in
touch via messenger and facetime, it’s not the same. I miss that girl.
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| Problems with the West Jet computers led to long line ups |
August was a month of appointments again and that one nasty
weekend spent in the hospital enduring some of the worst pain I have ever had.
I had a clinic follow up for that last Thursday and another ultrasound on
Friday to see what changes there were and why I had that bad weekend. I also
had my pre-admission appointment on Friday morning but no surgery date yet. I
have a follow up clinic day this Thursday (I will have to wait to publish this
on that day as I have no internet here) and hopefully he has a date scheduled
for me then. If he doesn’t, I may go back to work this coming week. I will see
if I can handle it (pain wise) and it also helps to pass the time.
(** News flash - today is Thursday and I had the follow up appointment but no date for surgery. He did put me off work indefinitely. The surgery will have to happen first and then the recovery before I go back behind the wheel. He is going to do a scope to see what is going on with my kidney and bladder connection and put in a stint. Guided tours may be available - LOL.)
The pre-admission is a whole ordeal of its’ own. Besides
providing samples of every bodily fluid including a few more vials of blood (do
we ever run out of that stuff? I feel like I have been giving gallons of it), I
had to have an EKG (ECG), a chest x-ray, weight, height, blood pressure, and so on.
The whole thing took over 3 hours. I had hoped to be back in time to see my two
aunts off to the airport for their return trip to Holland but that was not to
be. The only good part of that day was that my surgery date can’t be far off.
I had another ultrasound that afternoon. It went fine
although I no longer need a paper with my number to tell me what my number is.
They give everyone a number so when you are called up to go in to see the
doctor, no one has to know your name. Problem is that many forget the number or
lose the paper and they still have to call out the name – LOL. I’ve lost my
name and you may call me 3343 now. We are all just number cogs in the wheel of
life.
I usually try not to
insinuate much from a tech’s reaction to the ultrasound but when she hmmm’s her
way through the test and keeps trying to take another screen shot of one area,
I get concerned. The red and yellow dots mean nothing to me. The shadows could
mean a baby or just a blob of pudding. She kept asking me “Doesn’t this hurt?
Tell me if it hurts”. Then she had to go
out to consult and came back in for more shots. Little concerning to me, but the way
things are going, I can expect that. I
guess I will find out Thursday if it means anything. Meanwhile I wait, as this
monster nestles up to my kidney sucking the life out of it.
Back to family, my Dad’s two sisters came from Holland to
visit for a week. It was great! It was good for him to see them and be able to
talk about the old days although they were just pre-teens when he left for
Canada. I began to see how views of life including political, social,
economical can be so similar in one family. We may have had similar upbringings
as families tend to do. We were brought up in different countries, different
languages, different experiences, different eras but we saw the world through
similar eyes. I found that fascinating. I do not get to see these wonderful
women often but when I do, it’s like going home. It was a busy time for me
keeping up with appointments, visits from friends far and wide and getting to
see them every day. I don’t know how I could have possibly worked full time and
kept the schedule I have had lately. Catching up with old friends (old as in
days of yore), visits with family and my ever present supportive circle of
friends.
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| My dad with his two youngest sisters - Tante Griet and Tante Lies |
It has also been a time of reflection of the past. My cousin
was killed in a motorcycle accident two weeks ago. The only boy in a family of
girls (never easy, ask St. Ray). Jim was always the joker, the one liner guy
who could make you laugh with his dry humour. He had moved to BC some years ago
so I haven’t seen him in years but I will miss him. When I hung out with my
cousin (my best friend), he was always the pesky little brother. An all round
funny kid. Just knowing he is not longer there and that life changes in a blink
of an eye brings sadness. Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate change and I
hate good byes. It was probably better that I didn’t see my aunts off – the
airport floors probably get mopped enough.
When I received my news of cancer, another cousin was also
battling it. Arthur was always the big brother when he came to help my Dad on
the farm when I was young. My Dad could be a tough task master and often I felt
sorry for Arthur as he toiled the summer away working in the hay, milking the
cows or on the tractor all day. Arthur is fighting a nasty form of cancer and I
can only pray that God will provide a miracle of total eradication. Cancer is a
mean fighter who plays dirty. It has no rules of combat, no bias, no mercy. It
is cruel.
For the past month, I also had to think about camping but I
had no idea if I could go or not. The last week of summer is our annual camping
trip. For the past 35 odd years, a group of friends reserve a block of sites
and we gather to say good bye to another summer. It is something that our kids
grew up with and now they bring their spouses or significant others and
children. It is like a family reunion of sorts – no blood relation but stronger
ties. We always think it’s a good year if we get warned by the camp staff to
keep the noise down. I did not pack until I was sure I could go which meant a
very busy Friday evening for me. I gave up about 10 pm Friday (my energy level
is not great these days) and resumed Saturday morning. We picked up the trailer
that afternoon and arrived here about 4 pm. Still lots of time to unpack and
set up.
Time to shamefully (not really!) plug in a recommendation
for Smitty’s Great Outdoors RV rental in Springfield. He has two sizes of
trailers to rent and the price is very reasonable. They are clean, well
maintained and it’s highly unlikely that we will ever buy our own trailer
again. We have rented for the past 3 years and love it.
Camping for me is a time to recharge and read all those
books I
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| Ray, Mark and Mya |
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| Just a little choppy out there |
Went hiking – well, that was a stretch but walking in the
woods – with Mya. She loved to run through the forest (probably through patches
of poison ivy). The trail is no longer a loop so halfway, we turned back
because I was beginning to feel pain and tired. She found whatever water she
could, to splash in and ran merrily through more patches of poison ivy. Once we
got back, I got her into the car and we went off to the beach to rinse her off.
She isn’t fussy about the waves coming it as she is used to
swimming in a still
pond. I have some nasty scratches on me due to her jumping up on me hoping I
would hold her above the waves. She is a suck! Last evening, I sat on the beach
and read until well 
Sitting here alone, I often think of what the fall will
bring. The operation will take a minimum of three hours and I may need a stint
put in so that means more time. Dr. Luke also said that I would probably be in
the hospital for a few days (a week or so depending on what he finds he must
do). He is hoping on a partial nephrectomy which means removing part of the
kidney that the cancer has attached to and then installing a stint in the
ureter leading from the kidney to the bladder. That should be done with a key
hole incision and robotics. If that does not work, he will go in and remove the
entire kidney (radical nephrectomy) and skip the stint as it won’t be needed
then. I’m not a doctor but this is what I am understanding from what he has
told me. I told him already, that I was giving up my dream being a playboy
centerfold so he could make the cut as big as he wanted to. Scars don’t matter
to me. He laughed and said to never give
up on my dreams! LOL
I don’t dread the actual surgery as much as I dread being
out for a few hours. Time that I will never get back. I know I won’t know about
it, but think about it – 3 + hours will be forcibly removed from your life to
never come back. I can hear you say that I sleep all night and that’s gone too.
It just seems weird to me. What could I do in three hours? Then I dread the
recovery. I’ve been told I will have a pain pump (yay!) telling me to expect
pain. I hate pain. That’s why I had my kids so quick – I hate pain.
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| visitor on my fridge |
So I wait, read a lot, lounge a lot, enjoy the peace and
quiet. I have a mini drug store in my trailer telling me that I am not my
normal self but as long as I take it easy, I feel like the old me. Taking it
easy though is not me! Camping helps me to kick back and relax. I listen to the
cicada’s shrill hum, the birds calling to one another, the wind swaying in the
trees, the waves of the lake in the background, the odd kid racing by on his or
her bike – it’s all very peaceful. I think I shall name this place Heaven!
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| Mya enjoying the water |
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